Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage [antikvár]

From July of his sophomore year in college until the following January, all Tsukum Tazaki could think about was dying. He turned twenty during this time, but this special watershed -becoming an adult - meant nothing. Taking his own life seemed the most natural solution, and even now he couldn't say why he hadn't taken this final step. Crossing that threshold between life and death would have been easier than swallowing down a slick, raw egg. Perhaps he didn't commit suicide then because he couldn't conceive of a method that fit the pure and intense feeUngs he had toward death. But method was beside the point. If there had been a door within reach that led straight to death, he wouldn't have hesitated to push it open, without a second thought, as if it were just a part of ordinary life. For better or for worse, though, there was no such door nearby. I really should have died then, Tsukuru often told himself Then this world, the one in the here and now, wouldn't exist. It was a captivating, bewitching thought. The present world wouldn't exist, and reality would no longer be real. As far as this world was concerned, he would simply no longer exist - just as this world would no longer exist for him.