I'm A Stranger Here Myself [antikvár]

CURL UP AND DIETSome ladies smoke too much and some ladiesdrink too much and some ladies pray too much, But all ladies think that they weigh too much. They may be as slender as a sylph or a dryad, But just let them get on the scales and they embark ona doleful jeremiad; No matter how low the figure the needle happens to touch,They always claim it is at least five pounds too much; No matter how underfed to you a lady's anatomy seemeth,She describes herself as Leviathan or Behemoth; To the world she may appear slinky and feline, But she inspects herself in the mirror and cries, Oh, Ilook like a sea lion; Yes, she tells you she is growing into the shape of asea cow or manatee, And if you say No, my dear, she says you are just lying to make her feel better, and if you say Yes, my dear, you injure her vanatee, And in any case her eyes flow like faucets, And she goes out and buys some new caucets. Once upon a time there was a girl more beautiful andwitty and charming than tongue can tell, And she is now a dangerous raving maniac in a padded cell,And the first indication her friends and relatives hadthat she was mentally overwrought Was one day when she said, I weigh a hundred andtwenty-seven, which is exactly what I ought. Oh, often I am hauntedBy the thought that somebody might some day discover a diet that would let ladies reduce just asmuch as they wanted,[]